Essay 17
Essay 17
Essay 17
Essay 17
Coping Mechanisms
Coping Mechanisms
Coping Mechanisms
Coping Mechanisms
31 Jan 2024
31 Jan 2024
31 Jan 2024
31 Jan 2024
2 min
2 min
2 min
2 min
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I grew up in a house filled with nostalgia. When we sat down as a family my parents told me stories; mostly of the first few years of their marriage. Of a time when we were the only house in the building with a TV. So on Sundays, everyone would crowd our living room and watch Ramanand Sagar’s Mahabharat. Or how my dad had a cellphone when incoming calls cost Rs. 15 per minute. Of glorious birthday parties for my brothers and me. Stories of a past that I didn’t remember. I was stuck in the present. Where the only good feeling left was nostalgia.
Once the stories of nostalgia were done, stories of regret began. Regret about poor decisions, too much risk, unworthy friendships, bad luck. As a child, I wondered why we were talking about what was and what could have been; why things couldn’t change now. Having heard the same stories a million times, I hated regret. Nothing could be done with it. It wasn’t anger. Anger has some hope left. It wasn’t sadness. Sadness has come to terms with loss. The regret and nostalgia of my household was a refusal to let the past go while having no hope for the future.
I grew up in a house filled with nostalgia. When we sat down as a family my parents told me stories; mostly of the first few years of their marriage. Of a time when we were the only house in the building with a TV. So on Sundays, everyone would crowd our living room and watch Ramanand Sagar’s Mahabharat. Or how my dad had a cellphone when incoming calls cost Rs. 15 per minute. Of glorious birthday parties for my brothers and me. Stories of a past that I didn’t remember. I was stuck in the present. Where the only good feeling left was nostalgia.
Once the stories of nostalgia were done, stories of regret began. Regret about poor decisions, too much risk, unworthy friendships, bad luck. As a child, I wondered why we were talking about what was and what could have been; why things couldn’t change now. Having heard the same stories a million times, I hated regret. Nothing could be done with it. It wasn’t anger. Anger has some hope left. It wasn’t sadness. Sadness has come to terms with loss. The regret and nostalgia of my household was a refusal to let the past go while having no hope for the future.
I grew up in a house filled with nostalgia. When we sat down as a family my parents told me stories; mostly of the first few years of their marriage. Of a time when we were the only house in the building with a TV. So on Sundays, everyone would crowd our living room and watch Ramanand Sagar’s Mahabharat. Or how my dad had a cellphone when incoming calls cost Rs. 15 per minute. Of glorious birthday parties for my brothers and me. Stories of a past that I didn’t remember. I was stuck in the present. Where the only good feeling left was nostalgia.
Once the stories of nostalgia were done, stories of regret began. Regret about poor decisions, too much risk, unworthy friendships, bad luck. As a child, I wondered why we were talking about what was and what could have been; why things couldn’t change now. Having heard the same stories a million times, I hated regret. Nothing could be done with it. It wasn’t anger. Anger has some hope left. It wasn’t sadness. Sadness has come to terms with loss. The regret and nostalgia of my household was a refusal to let the past go while having no hope for the future.
As I turned 20, I started pushing back on regret with my parents. Insisting, arguing, yelling that there were things in the present they could do. Being honest about how I saw it. I grew up with a resolve to not feel regret. Not for the things I could change. My life would be in my hands. Before anybody or anything could catch me off guard, I would act. Build a spidey sense for doom. Assume the worst.
Feynman said ‘The first principle is that you must not fool yourself — and you are the easiest person to fool.’ Being honest was my anti-dote to regret. I would be honest with friends when I was upset, with colleagues when I was disappointed and with myself for not doing my best. Honesty has led me to friends and love I cherish. It has made me do things I didn’t think I could. It has made me act when I was scared, reflect and learn when I didn’t want to. But it has also led me to being disliked and hated sometimes. For saying things nobody wanted to hear. For insisting that my honesty was the truth.
I have realised most of us are accurate tellers of only one story - our own. We can only tell what we see, hear and feel. Everything else is a projection of our inner worlds, a reflection of our values and definitions of success. Honesty is important only if it helps people keep going, correcting mistakes but progressing. The kind of honesty that stops people, makes them dream less, makes them smaller is not honesty. It is cynicism, a lack of hope. Not very different from regret.
Anyway, the thin line between belief and delusion is whether you make it.
As I turned 20, I started pushing back on regret with my parents. Insisting, arguing, yelling that there were things in the present they could do. Being honest about how I saw it. I grew up with a resolve to not feel regret. Not for the things I could change. My life would be in my hands. Before anybody or anything could catch me off guard, I would act. Build a spidey sense for doom. Assume the worst.
Feynman said ‘The first principle is that you must not fool yourself — and you are the easiest person to fool.’ Being honest was my anti-dote to regret. I would be honest with friends when I was upset, with colleagues when I was disappointed and with myself for not doing my best. Honesty has led me to friends and love I cherish. It has made me do things I didn’t think I could. It has made me act when I was scared, reflect and learn when I didn’t want to. But it has also led me to being disliked and hated sometimes. For saying things nobody wanted to hear. For insisting that my honesty was the truth.
I have realised most of us are accurate tellers of only one story - our own. We can only tell what we see, hear and feel. Everything else is a projection of our inner worlds, a reflection of our values and definitions of success. Honesty is important only if it helps people keep going, correcting mistakes but progressing. The kind of honesty that stops people, makes them dream less, makes them smaller is not honesty. It is cynicism, a lack of hope. Not very different from regret.
Anyway, the thin line between belief and delusion is whether you make it.
As I turned 20, I started pushing back on regret with my parents. Insisting, arguing, yelling that there were things in the present they could do. Being honest about how I saw it. I grew up with a resolve to not feel regret. Not for the things I could change. My life would be in my hands. Before anybody or anything could catch me off guard, I would act. Build a spidey sense for doom. Assume the worst.
Feynman said ‘The first principle is that you must not fool yourself — and you are the easiest person to fool.’ Being honest was my anti-dote to regret. I would be honest with friends when I was upset, with colleagues when I was disappointed and with myself for not doing my best. Honesty has led me to friends and love I cherish. It has made me do things I didn’t think I could. It has made me act when I was scared, reflect and learn when I didn’t want to. But it has also led me to being disliked and hated sometimes. For saying things nobody wanted to hear. For insisting that my honesty was the truth.
I have realised most of us are accurate tellers of only one story - our own. We can only tell what we see, hear and feel. Everything else is a projection of our inner worlds, a reflection of our values and definitions of success. Honesty is important only if it helps people keep going, correcting mistakes but progressing. The kind of honesty that stops people, makes them dream less, makes them smaller is not honesty. It is cynicism, a lack of hope. Not very different from regret.
Anyway, the thin line between belief and delusion is whether you make it.
As I turned 20, I started pushing back on regret with my parents. Insisting, arguing, yelling that there were things in the present they could do. Being honest about how I saw it. I grew up with a resolve to not feel regret. Not for the things I could change. My life would be in my hands. Before anybody or anything could catch me off guard, I would act. Build a spidey sense for doom. Assume the worst.
Feynman said ‘The first principle is that you must not fool yourself — and you are the easiest person to fool.’ Being honest was my anti-dote to regret. I would be honest with friends when I was upset, with colleagues when I was disappointed and with myself for not doing my best. Honesty has led me to friends and love I cherish. It has made me do things I didn’t think I could. It has made me act when I was scared, reflect and learn when I didn’t want to. But it has also led me to being disliked and hated sometimes. For saying things nobody wanted to hear. For insisting that my honesty was the truth.
I have realised most of us are accurate tellers of only one story - our own. We can only tell what we see, hear and feel. Everything else is a projection of our inner worlds, a reflection of our values and definitions of success. Honesty is important only if it helps people keep going, correcting mistakes but progressing. The kind of honesty that stops people, makes them dream less, makes them smaller is not honesty. It is cynicism, a lack of hope. Not very different from regret.
Anyway, the thin line between belief and delusion is whether you make it.
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It will be a reminder to stop scrolling and read something fun.
FEEL FREE TO REACH OUT IF YOU HAVE ANY THOUGHTS OR JUST WANT TO SAY HI.
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Get a mail everytime a post goes up.
It will be a reminder to stop scrolling and read something fun.
FEEL FREE TO REACH OUT IF YOU HAVE ANY THOUGHTS OR JUST WANT TO SAY HI.
Design/dev by @itsiddharth
Get a mail everytime a post goes up.
It will be a reminder to stop scrolling and read something fun.
FEEL FREE TO REACH OUT IF YOU HAVE ANY THOUGHTS OR JUST WANT TO SAY HI.
Design/dev by @itsiddharth