I recently declared to the group chat that I am done with WhatsApp friendships. The only friendships I can keep alive are friendships where I meet my friends. At some point, my friendships transitioned from doing things together to an endless cycle of updates on each other’s lives. 

I am out of updates. I am in the same place you found me last. Happy with my husband and dog. We are learning a new sport - insert pickleball, golf, tennis. My dog is still learning to get comfortable with strangers. Work is okay, could be better. I am out of updates. There is nothing to add. The single ones are single, the married ones are happily married. Adulthood is stasis.

I moved from Mumbai to Bangalore, 7 years ago for work leaving some of my best friends behind. In the initial years, I was excited about Bangalore, I partied, went to random gigs, and hung out with random people. But the people I loved the most remained the same. I would not talk to them most weeks. But every time I needed someone I would text my friends. After a breakup, after a particularly hard day at work, over pointless love.

WhatsApp created long-distance friendships. A constant always-on commentary to the other side of the chat. Sending pictures when trying out clothes, sending pictures on the way to the gym, sending long-winded breakdowns of a tiny inconvenience. Our storytelling abilities on chat were thriving over mid-sized novellas about the new flatmate or the new boyfriend. There was still something intimate about a DM. You were talking to one person. And that one person was talking to you.

Enter group chat and reels. For a while, I was delighted. So much more context to share. But it dawned on me that no one was listening. This is now one-way communication. Everybody is obsessed with the reels they send you while you can barely keep up. Entertainment is now the bedrock of communication. Sometimes, even updates on friends are gossip. Crafted to entertain while having very little regard for the actual feelings of anyone involved. We have gone from being participants in each other’s life to being audiences for each other’s content.

Replying with emojis is the nail in the coffin of connection. They were perfect on Slack, for the work environment where I really do want to communicate less, be less human. A 👍 is the perfect corporate way to end a conversation. A 💯 is the best way to fake celebrate achievements at work. But then they brought this demon into conversations with friends on WhatsApp. I am very responsive now while saying nothing at all. I am participating without actual effort, without actually engaging in conversation. And you are too. I can’t watch you add 😂on a joke I know is not funny. Let’s just stop.